SYMPTOMS OF POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION

Many women don't even recognize that they have Postpartum depression or fully understand it. The name itself is quite confusing. Depression, meaning feeling sad and hopeless is only one of the many ways this altered emotional state can manifest itself. If your feelings are strange and unsettling to you, even if you're not a full blown cut and dry case, you still may have the TEMPORARY condition of postpartum depression. Here are some symptoms to look for:

1. Feelings of Inadequacy-this is bigger than the garden-variety feelings that you are a nobody because you can't seem to get the bed made before your husband comes home or because you still haven't lost your pregnancy weight. This refers to a belief that this job of being some one's mom is too big for you and that you'll fail. It also applies to comparing yourself to all the other new mothers you know and coming up less-than every time.

2. Difficulty Making Decisions-not even talking about the hard decisions, like when to wean the baby or what college to send her to, I'm talking about not being able to decide whether to go out or stay in, buy broccoli or cauliflower, get dressed or stay in bed.

3. Fear of Being Alone-this is pretty similar to the feelings of inadequacy. There's a lot of hormonally challenged new mommies that don't want to be left alone because that means they are alone with the baby that they aren't sure they can care for.

4. Fantasies of disasters of Bizarre Fears-this is pretty much having disaster daydreams or nightmares that the baby gets hurt in your care. Perhaps that you don't put them in the car seat properly, lose them, accidentally drop them off a balcony, etc.

5. No Interest in Previously Enjoyable Activities-for quite awhile after the baby is born you won't have time for activities you previously enjoyed and you don't really have any interest in them. Near the end of the first year if you still feel a general lack of enthusiasm about everything including your former pleasures it may be cause for concern.

6. Breast Feeding Problems-please don't automatically assume that just because you have a hard time mastering the art of nursing that you're suffering from Postpartum depression. It's a tricky task. Ninety-nine percent of the time, breast-feeding problems are just that: normal responses to something very challenging to learn. Some women do however have a difficult time relaxing enough to allow their 'letdown' mechanism to work so the breast can release milk and this can be a sign of Postpartum anxiety.

7. Headaches, stomachaches, nausea, muscle aches-OK, so with motherhood naturally comes aches and pains and tons of bottles of ibuprofen. What you should e suspicious of are recurring aches and pains that seem to be unrelated to any known illness or injury.

8. Nervousness, Shaking or Trembling-the combination of your nerves, lack of sleep and exotic hormone cocktail you're on can make you as jangly as too many visits to Starbucks. Don't' be frightened but do be careful around the baby; we don't want anything valuable to get dropped and broken. Also, don't compound the problem by drinking beverages with caffeine in them, no matter how much you think you need that boost. It is also a good idea to call your doctor if this starts happening to you so that he or she can rule out infection or hemorrhaging.

9. Compulsive Behaviors, Checking and Rechecking things-once again, there is a thin line between ordinary neuroses and problematical ones. I don't think there's a mother out there that hasn't obsessed that the baby will stop breathing if we don't pay attention to it every minute. How much hand washing is too much? How many times did you check to see if the kettle was off. Some double checking is common but if you're becoming obsessive about it, the people around you have probably noticed and they will tel you.

10. Avoidance of the Baby-this is the scariest manifestations of Postpartum depression. This is the one that shames moms, makes them feel wicked and feel like they'll never be an adequate mother. Many mothers turn the baby over to a nanny, loved one or family member when this is very serious. the babies are often just fine but the mothers are dangerously depressed. The longer they keep their emotional and physical distance from the baby, the harder it is to close the gap. This is not about how much you love your baby, it's about how much you doubt yourself.

We are disillusioned with how pregnancy and childbirth is suppose to be. We watch movies of a mother giving birth and the next scene she's wheeled off to go home and already nursing and everything is wonderful. This story is responsible for more Postpartum depression than you can imagine. Maternity wards are crying right this minute because they feel the have failed in giving birth because nothing wen according to this story. Depending on where you live and what hospital you deliver at you have about a 20 to 40 percent chance of delivering your baby by C-section. That simply means that for about 1/3 of women, the little fairy tale birth story is dust. Some us labor for what feels like weeks and we're so exhausted by the time we're supposed to push that a nurse has to sit on our stomach to help get the baby out. Several of us fall apart and start accusing our husbands of creating this torture for us in the first place. And where is the part about whining and weeping in fear and pain? Giving birth is painful, messy, hard and unpredictable but the stories we treasure during pregnancy include none of that.

Help is as close as a phone call. Start with the nonprofessionals first. Hire a sitter. If you can't afford one beg a grandma or friend to take care of the baby for at least a couple of hours. My recommendation for those precious hours is to nap, but if you feel that a drive in the car or a soak in the tub would make you feel better, then knock yourself out. Whatever you do, however, do not waste this chance at recapturing your sanity by doing the dishes or running errands. Most important, don't feel guilty about taking a break from the baby. It's important to have some you time, even if that you time is with the baby. Make plans to go for walks everyday with your friend down the street. Walking and talking provides the perfect therapy. There's no doubt that fresh air, a change of scene and dropping unsightly fat all contribute to an improvement in our emotional state. When you exercise your body releases endorphins and you just get happy. If you can add a little bliss to your life through the natural release of chemicals in your brain, you may be well on your way to finding your way back to well-being. Hang out with your girlfriends, especially the one's with babies too. One word of caution, if you find that you have acquired a friend in a mommy who makes you feel like you're in a parenting contest with her. Dump her and her perfect baby immediately. Any woman who seems to have everything under control at all times is lying to you and to herself. You need a friend who knows that real acceptance and friendship are only possible between two living, feeling, honest human beings.

Ultimately the solution may include a prescription for Prozac or Zoloft. This prospect may intimidate you or even offend you because of opinions about these drugs that you made before you understood how disturbing lasting depression could be, but if you're suffering you may understand the need for these. Throughout the entire experience of Postpartum depression one of the most important things you can do is to avoid isolation. Whether you just stay in touch with your old friends, make new one, go to a mommy and me class or connect with moms and grandmas that have already been through it. You are not alone in this!

THE MYTHS AND TRUTHS OF POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION

Nearly every woman who gives birth to a baby (and even many who become mothers by adoption) gets some form of postpartum depression. There are three types of new mothers. There is the type who gives birth and resume their lives with confidence, clear thinking and enthusiasm. The kind who gives birth and wishes that a fairy godmother would make the baby disappear and restore them to their former life and then there's the rest of us.

The first group of new mothers, the ones that breeze through like nothing happen are either incredibly lucky or incredibly unobservant. The second and third group really can be grouped together as one, just at different levels. Some women don't notice their symptoms of postpartum depression until their baby's first birthday. I think it is that we just start factoring in our altered states and feelings as normal. Postpartum depression is a lot like being drunk....looking back, there can be blackouts. Postpartum depression is like PMS, just on a grander scale. Friends might suggest that your hormones are toying with you, but you feel persecuted and misunderstood by your friends, not betrayed by your estrogen levels. I don't know if we have such a hard time diagnosing this completely normal condition because we don't want to see it or because we can't see it. So many new mothers are completely unprepared for any feelings other than happiness after the birth of their baby. Everybody is so full of congratulations, they expect you to glow with maternal satisfaction, and, truthfully, they don't really want you to tell them otherwise. Most women would rather sleep than talk to anyone and not tell anyone that they cry several times a day or that they secretly resent the toll the baby is taking on them. Heaven forbid a new mother should speak the truth about how she is, or is not adjusting. There are several reasons why it remains one of the womanhood's deepest, darkest secrets:

The Shame of it all

First, there is a lot of shame attached to feeling less than perpetually elated by becoming a mommy. Mention postpartum depression and the first thing people think about is a woman who doesn't want or love her baby. People unfamiliar with this condition usually fail to understand that loving your baby and loathing your life can be done simultaneously by new moms. Ultimately, not only are we ashamed to talk to other people about our feelings, we are also ashamed to think about them. Don't think for a minute that husbands, mothers or mothers-in-law are any more enlightened about postpartum depression than the rest of society. Unfortunately, not talking about how we feel makes most of us feel worse. It would be such a relief to purge ourselves of our less acceptable thoughts because at least 50 percent of them would disappear into the ozone as soon as they were uttered. About half of our negative thoughts are just that, thoughts. They are not opinions or beliefs. But they get scary when we hold them inside of us for too long because then we can't tell the difference between what we really feel and what we can imagine feeling. I am not saying that all mothers feel miserable, depressed and disappointed after giving birth but it is common for a bit of 'down' feelings and it is common that we feel that it is unacceptable to talk about it with anyone for fear of being judged.

The fear of it all

Another reason that so many of us fail to recognize postpartum depression in ourselves is that we are afraid of it. We are afraid that if we have it, our behavior is completely out of our control. In our own hysterical way we think postpartum depression is a sin. Since new mothers need to feel in control of the universe in order to protect their fragile babies, the worry that we, ourselves, may be the one uncontrollable factor freaks us out. Don't be freaked out and calm down. Your baby is absolutely safe in your loving care. You will devote your life to ensuring his happiness and well-being. Postpartum depression is actually a piece of cake for the babies, but it can really be tough on the mommy. Just remember, if you are caring for your baby, loving him and giving him attention, he will probably escape unaffected by your guilt about eventually going back to work or how resentful you are that you haven't slept in a lying down position in more than three weeks. In other words, relax as you go through your changes. You'll soon become the person you recognize as you and the baby won't have noticed a thing.

One of the most striking symptoms of postpartum depression is an utter lack of optimism. Some new mothers just can't imagine any time in the future when they will not be tired, or sad, or forgetful or anxious. The demands of caring for a child, usually alone in our society are so repetitive and unrelenting that we measure our days in diapers changed and feedings. Sure, the books say you will soon recognize a hungry cry from a bored or hurt cry and you probably will, eventually. In the meantime every cry gets your blood pressure into the triple digits and your adrenaline pumping like I don't even know what. Then there's the baby's first illness; projectile vomiting alone has been known to make a mother lose her mind for good. There IS an end to this tunnel. Sleep deprivation is one of the biggest bogeymen in a mommy's life. We have very little control over the baby's growth, however, and many aspects of postpartum depression actually have more to do with YOUR growth so let's move on and give your growth a jump start. A good place to begin is by clearing all the misconceptions about postpartum depression out of the way. There are five myths about this.

MYTH 1: Normal postpartum depression, also known as the baby blues, occurs three or four days after giving birth and is usually little more than a one-day unexplained crying jag. The truth about this? Sure you may get weepy shortly after giving birth since that is when the most dramatic change in hormone levels occurs, but that is NOT postpartum depression. Postpartum depression is when you haven't slept in two months, your baby is going through a growth spurt and you worry that you're not making enough milk, you are not eating much of anything with nutrients, you are still overweight and then the whole family comes down with the flu.

MYTH 2: Postpartum depression can be prevented by keeping a good and positive attitude during pregnancy. Truth? Yeah right. You can try and try all through pregnancy and maternity to be as positive as can possibly be but you can still feel the effects of postpartum depression, except now you can add disappointment and self-doubt to the experience. Pregnancy and motherhood are incredible physical and emotional upheavals, no matter how thrilled you are to become a mother. Your marriage may be changing, your looks definitely are and if you think that your job is to stay grateful, happy and content through the water retention the vulnerability, the fear and the invasion of the body snatcher, it's no wonder you end up depressed.

MYTH 3: Postpartum depression is a figment of a woman's imagination; there are no medical justifications for it. Oh really? They used to say this about PMS and cramps, too. I guess it took more women insisting that people without uteruses might not know what they were talking about in this area. As a matter of fact, all of pregnancy and new motherhood are hugely affected by our biology. As soon as we become pregnant, our hormones combine with our genetic programming to make us hopelessly devoted and fiercely protective of this new little life. Then, when the baby is born, add fatigue and inexperience to the equation and everything just multiplied.

MYTH 4: Postpartum depression is just that; feeling depressed after having a baby. ha ha. That's a very narrow view of the landscape. Postpartum depression is a catch-all phrase for all sorts of emotions and behaviors that are new and unusual or more intense than before you had a baby.

MYTH 5: Once you get postpartum depression, there is nothing you can do about it except wait it out. Nope. If you feel like you are having trouble coping with motherhood, the first and simplest thing you can do for yourself is ASK FOR HELP. Do not feel ashamed about needing i; you weren't intended to do this alone. Humans are a tribal breed, and nature never intended for you and your baby to survive without the assistance of the other women in your tribe. Whatever you do, do not take a passive approach to your unhappiness and do not pretend it doesn't exist. There are so many thing you can do to get back on track; it may be as simple as getting more sleep or exercising, it might be so stubborn as to require medication, but there is help out there. If you think that you and your baby are supposed to get through this first year isolated from the rest of the world, it's no wonder you're crazy.